Thursday, February 11, 2010

Remember to Breathe

As part of Gremlin taming, the thing you do not want to do is make so many rules around how you find them that you actually end up create one. Yes, we create our own gremlins every day and sometimes by trying to figure them out, we inadvertently create one. Here is an example of how this happens.

This year one of my goals was to relax and not worry about being perfect and organized all the time. I took a look inside and how I viewed my structured ways. Yes, believe me I love structure. I love a clean house, desk, closet, and computer system. I use to make ‘to-do’ list for everything from weekend projects to packing for a day fishing trip. Not that this is bad, but I wanted to try to do less planning and more relaxing through spontaneity.

Two months into this I am driving myself crazy with feeling out of control and in need of serious ‘to-do’ing. Okay, maybe not that bad, but I have created a Gremlin! I went from one extreme of structure to the other extreme of so loosy goosy I don’t know what I am doing. I created a gremlin by taking what I know is me (structure) and tossed it out but now refusing to give up the fight of loosy goosy! My Gremlin tells me “you can’t give up you haven’t given it enough time” and “this was your brilliant idea so don’t blame me” and “If only you had the nerve to stick with it, it would work out”. Woe is ME!

I share this as an example and statement of be careful when looking in to yourself and noticing yourself. Don’t create a gremlin by putting consequences on your end result. I always say failure IS an option in living. Maybe not in all things, but for most of us 98% of the time, failure IS an option. Be okay with that.

Okay, so I have given you my warning so let’s continue.

If you are having problems figuring out what your gremlin is, start noticing your reaction to the positive and negative emotions you feel. Sad, happy, anger, anxiety, fear, loneliness, joy, and all the rest. How do you feel and how do you react? Again, don’t create a gremlin that says “darn, I didn’t notice that” it is okay to miss a few things, but working on this that will all work out.

The book gives you many strategies and applications to help you understand these concepts, so if you want to know more you know where to go.

Next step; put a name and face to your gremlin. George (my self doubt big shot) is a handsome man with just a touch of grey in his hair. He looks like a California surfer with muscles galore and the best tan ever. He has blue eyes and wears those sunglasses you can’t see through. Got his picture in your head? This is my George. Gorgeous and put together and he is the one that is the voice that says “You don’t look like me so you are nothing” and “You are not as good as I am, you are nothing”. Can you see those words from my George?

Put a name and face to your gremlin, it helps when you escort him or her out the door.
So for today, breathe, relax, be aware of your reactions to feelings and start putting a face or name to your gremlin. This will help when you begin to escort him or her out the door. What does your gremlin look like?

Tomorrow will be the last post about Gremlin’s so if you have any questions or thoughts, I hope you will share either in the blog, or send me an email. It is like a free coaching session! I am here to help and assist.

2 comments:

  1. Identifying gremlins is a very good idea as most people are not aware that they exist or the fact that they are surrounded by their own gremlins and don't even know it. They just walk through their daily routines feeling incomplete or unfulfilled and can't quite figure out why they feel the way they do. They cling to their schedules and routines for security and a sense of normalcy and perhaps accomplishment.

    I think it is important to identify gremlins and develop a plan to walk them out the door although I had not thought about putting a name and face on the gremlins, interesting approach!

    When I am feeling unfulfilled and unsuccessful or surrounded by my gremlins, I have learned to take the time to find something positive about the situation that I am in and focus on what motivates me and makes me happy.

    Failure is an option is an interesting statement. Most people do not believe that failure is an option and they are not interested in having the conversation. When I get up the the morning, I commit to doing my very best in everything that I do that day and if I fail, I accept the situation knowing that I did my best.

    It is important to explore who you are every day and learn new things, it keeps things interesting. I have also learned to laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously.

    My personal goal everyday is to help others enjoy life and find something to be happy about. Life is good!

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  2. My Gremlin's name is Millie. She is a petite woman who rushes from place to place with her head down, not making eye contact with anyone, and very hard to stop. She is thin and has little time for anything that takes her away from work. She looks a lot like Sally Fields did in Sybil....a mouse with hair falling across her face constantly pushing her glasses up.

    Doesn't sound like a very powerful Gremlin, huh? But I'll tell you, she has been trying to mess up my life for some time. Thankfully, I am very aware of her now, and have a good plan for working with her. If I don't work with her, she makes her presence more formidable. She's doing her best right now to move me from calm to anxious, and thankfully I simply keep breathing deeper which causes my body to say all is well.

    She shows up mostly around work. She whispers to me that I can't afford to lose my job, I have to make sure everyone is happy with my work, I can't do this and I must do that and did I do enough, and no I didn't and people will.....on and on. Her power is in the fact that this could happen...and, indeed it has in the past. Several times. And guess what...the world does not end, I don't end up on the streets, the sun is still warm on my skin and I'm still overweight because I have enough food to eat.

    I get tired of all the time hearing about how bad people's lives are because they can't find work or they are loosing their homes, or whatever. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I've been there and done that...4 times throughout my life. My middle name is Grace but it could just as easily be failure. And then I find another job and have another house and am still overweight because I make enough money to eat too much.

    A friend once told me life is like a pendulum--it goes over here then it goes back over there...back and forth. It's movement causes other things to move, and if it stands still, nothing moves. Live is sometimes good and sometimes hard, but it is moving me with each swing. Moving me to the next step, the next level, the next view...and the next adventure in life.

    I do not enjoy Millie that much, but I appreciate what she is trying to do for me. I hope I’m teaching her that there are much gentler ways to move through life.

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